Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
