How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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