I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
