I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
