I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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