I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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