i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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