Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
