My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
