oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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