I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
