I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
