I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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