he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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