Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize