I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
