I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
