I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There are leaves in my underwear?
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