Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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