Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
