she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
