I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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