I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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