Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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