no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
