There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
