Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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