let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left an ass print on the piano.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
