youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
