so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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