I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
