i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
