You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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