I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
