My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
