In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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