I want to have your abortion
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize