There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
