Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
