I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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