It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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