so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize