I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize