ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
