I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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