He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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