I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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