I want to stick my p in your. b.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
