I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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