look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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