the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
