Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
