Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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