we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
