just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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